A widowed man posed a question on the Reddit forum community, r/AmItheAsshole, regarding his son’s request to use his father and late-mother’s winter cabin for their upcoming honeymoon retreat.

My late wife and I invested in a small winter cabin years ago. I’m the owner now after her passing.

My son (22) is getting married to his STBW in a month. They have no money for a destination honeymoon, they were barely able to plan the wedding.

He asked if they could spend their honeymoon in my winter cabin and I agreed but under the condition that they pay me. He acted all shocked and tried to argue that it’s his mom’s cabin too but I pointed out how I’m the owner now and that I pay to keep it maintained.

He got upset and accused me of being materialistic and selfish after I’d already been unhelpful with the wedding. I told him I did the same thing with his aunt and it wasn’t personal.

He left with his fiancee and told the family about it.

Now I’m being berating left and right and am being told to let him use the cabin and shamed me for asking for money.

Additionally, I already told him a millionth times that getting married so soon was not a good idea but he refused to take my advice and had no regard for my opinion on the situation.

Am I the a**hole for asking my son and his STBW to pay to spend their honeymoon in my winter cabin?

Sincerely,
honeya34____

DEAR honeya34____,

Many people have shared the same sentiment regarding this situation, and the ruling is clear — Yes, you are, and here’s why.

When I got married, I was 22 years old and my now-husband was 24 years old. I’m 32 now, and we are still married happily. I love him so much and look forward to the time we share together. When you know, you know. You know? Or, maybe you don’t.

If the person asking to stay in your cabin was a stranger or an acquaintance, I could understand the reluctance and would also want to seek compensation for the utilities, property taxes, and general usage of the property.

However, this isn’t a stranger you’re renting out to on AirBnB. This is your son and his fiancée — or to completely be dismissive of your future daughter-in-law, his “STBW” (soon-to-be-wife), as you put it.

My now-husband and I didn’t have much to spend on a fancy wedding or even a traditional one, but we loved each other very much. We were legally married at the courthouse first, then later on in the year, had a reception at a public park. It was messy, chaotic, but now, just a memory… and our lives together over the past decade have illuminated, built, and strengthened our love ever more than that single day.

The point is… love finds a way. Your son seems so certain about his love for this woman that he wants to marry her, as they both are, in a month. He’s letting his heart lead the way, while yours is stone cold.

Have you already forgotten what it felt like to be in love with your wife? Or how magical those moments were leading up the wedding, and how blissful life was in the days, weeks, and years that followed? In your grief of what might have been, have you forgotten what was?

What would your wife do in this situation? What would she want? What would the love you shared between each other compel you to act, think, or feel in this moment?

The version of YOU that you are in this moment… for sure, you are the a**hole… but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can salvage some part of the man that his mother loved and open your heart, once again, but this time, to your son — the living legacy of the woman you loved and lost.

Honor her, the life you shared together, and the child you brought into this world from the love you once shared… everlasting, if ever only a memory long forgotten by you now.